fatbread

Another conversation on a theme, from Mr. Fry-tucky Fried Chicken:

Joseph: I've finished my supper, Mommy. I want some ta-ssert.
Me: What are you going to have? Chocolate brownie, or a Girl Scout cookie?
(Pause)
Joseph: I want one of those...fatbread cookies.
Me: Do you mean "shortbread" cookies?
Joseph: Yeah, shortbread.

more southern fun

My aunt just sent this to me; I suspect it came from Jay Leno, because there's a watermark for NBC on the bottom, but I don't know the source. I also suspect that it's from the South.

the curse

In a previous post, I mentioned that zappos would probably fail miserably because I think it's genius. Let me explain.

I seem to have this curse: things that are dear to me have this habit of being discontinued. (My husband fears the implications of this phenomenon--either he isn't dear to me, or his untimely demise is due any day now.) For example:

Unfrosted Cherry Pop-Tarts. One day I couldn't find them anywhere. I contacted Kellogg's to discover they are completely discontinued. It's even hard to find unfrosted blueberry or strawberry in the stores around here.

Tab with saccharine. Loved this stuff. Remember those one-liter glass bottles? The new (okay, it's no longer "new") Tab isn't as good. Though I still like it better than most diet colas.

Coca-cola with sugar. Why did they change it to "high-fructose corn syrup", or whatever? It tastes different than it did when I was a kid. Whenever I can, I look for bottles or cans produced in foreign countries, or kosher Coke, which I haven't found locally in several years. Let me know if you can find it.

2nd Avenue Deli, New York. See my previous post on this.

Frito Pies from Woolworths, Santa Fe, NM. You would not believe how delicious these were. Fantastic hot chili, served in a Frito's bag with the side cut off, topped with cheese and white onion. They'd serve them out of a little takeout window at the side of Woolworth's on the Plaza. You'd get four or five napkins to hold under the bag so you didn't burn the %^&* out of your hand holding a hot bag of chili. It appears you can now get these at the Five and Dime in Santa Fe, even though Woolworth's is gone.

Padders slippers. These were brilliantly designed. We got some of these for our first son, and they were the BEST soft slippers for kids (and we tried some cheap imitations). The bottoms don't slip, and they stay on without being binding. They were pretty expensive (which may explain why they went out of business), but they were phenomenal.

Etherea cosmetics. I've been trying to find out what happened to this company (late 1970s). Their packaging was something like Clinique, so I'm wondering if they were a predecessor. I got a sample of shampoo once that was just incredible, and I've never been able to find them since.

The Santa Fe Opera House: Not the original (which burned), but the second one. It was simply a beautiful space; the center of the audience roof was only partially covered, and the sides and back of the stage area were also open to the cool mountain air. So what if it rained on paying patrons occasionally? You shouldn't be wearing fur, anyway.

Is the curse broken? Coffioca Mocha Parfait Nip candies from Pearson's. These were yummy coffee-flavored hard candies with a soft chocolate center. Not like a Tootsie center, but a truly chocolaty, smooth center. When your tongue gets to the center and the coffee and chocolate flavors start to mix in your mouth.....oh, my. My college roommate (another dear thing that was discontinued--but that's another story altogether) used to buy boxes of these for me for my birthday. They stopped making them several years ago. I contacted the company and received a lovely form letter with a coupon for other Pearson's products. Then...suddenly...one day... I found Pearson's Nips in "Mocha". Could it be? Was it possible that they brought them back? Yes, it was true. I may be the only person on earth who buys them, but I'm very happy to have the chance. I kinda liked the name "Coffioca Mocha Parfait", but if "Mocha" sells more, I'm good with that.

doing good business

Many people know that I have been using zappos.com for years now. I'm an evangelist for this site (which unfortunately means it will probably fail miserably). Here's why I love zappos.com: I can search for size beige vegetarian 8.5 women's sale boots, then read reviews on them, as well as fit advice, add them to a wishlist, and then order then with free shipping AND...free return shipping.

Yup, that's right, free return shipping.

I order two or three pairs, try them on, then return the ones I don't want. At first I felt bad about "taking advantage" of this free return shipping just to have a personal shoestore delivered to my living room, but then I realized I now do more than half of my shoe shopping at Zappos because of this. I suspect they realize that once my fingers feel that soft, distressed suede of the lime green cowboy boots, I will decide it's much easier just to keep them than to pack them up and drive them 6 blocks to the shipping place to return them for free. I must admit that has happened on more than one occasion.

I have also contacted Customer Service twice. They responded right away, and the person I contacted was able to resolve my issues immediately. Just as you would expect. So, give them your business.

Unless, of course, you discover that they are some ultra-right-wing anti-gay organization run by Nazi pedophiles, and my money goes to fund their terrorist activities. I haven't checked, so let me know, and I'll quit doing business with them.

2nd ave deli, nyc - r.i.p.

We were so sad to hear of the demise of the 2nd Avenue Deli in New York. We have enjoyed the cookbook for years, and just this year, I had the pleasure of a visit "in person". OMG, the greatest chicken soup with matzo balls. Tbe greatest homemade pickles. The greatest giant meat stacked sandwiches. The most wonderful atmosphere, with this wonderful automat located just inside the front door. The closing of this place is a TRAVESTY. I don't get to use the word "travesty" very much, but this is a great use of the word. Holy cow; it's a shame--SHAME that this place closed. A SHAME. SHAME on whoever let this happen.

Here's an interesting tribute.

gosh, i miss texas

Where else would someone think they need 18 bug foggers IN AN APARTMENT?

declamation - originally published 05 feb 06

Andrew is a selective eater. He doesn't eat ice cream. For years, I've said he never even tried it. Now, I can no longer say so.

god and infinity - originally posted 3 feb 06

Joe and his dad were talking at breakfast this morning when he asked, "Daddy, what does God look like?"

"What do you think He looks like?"

"I think He looks like snow. He has white hair, black skin, and He has an ark."

"An ark? Like Noah and the ark?"

"Yes. I think sometimes God likes to travel in water."

"What if He's not in water?"

"He likes to walk."

Also, the night before, I asked him how many letters were in the alphabet. After thinking a few seconds, he replied, "Z-many!"

out of the fryer - originally posted 4 jan 06

Joseph calls KFC "Fry-tucky Fried Chicken". Out of the mouths of babes.

mother's day gunk - originally published 14 may 05

Andrew made a booklet for Mother's Day. My favorite page described what his mother has taught him. See the gunk fly out of his nose.

seeks dancers - originally published 19 feb 05

This audition notice was recently placed in our local newspaper. So, has someone actually shown up for an audition unprepared or unwilling to actually audition?

who *are* these people? - originally published 15 sep 04

Like most people, I receive hundreds of spam messages from people with fake names. Vern Lockett, Lisa Street, Marie Hobbs, Monte Woods, Thomas Addison, Ryan Woodward, and so on. Now, I know a lot of people. It's amazing to me that I have never--NEVER--had a spam message from a name that matched the name of someone I know.

An update from 9/26/04: My new favorite: Epifania Ho.

An update from 6/1/05: Grover Colon

An update from 9/12/05: Sixteen U. Whitefish

9/15/05: I got a stock tip newsletter from Jesus. I think I should buy.

1/23/06: Spinach H. Untangling and Musicology C. Gnome each sent me some software deals.

door sounds - originally published 03 aug 04

I was e-mailing my brother today about reminiscences about our grandmother. I was thinking about how I'll never forget the smell of each of my grandparents' homes, but what is almost more vivid to me is the sound of each front door opening and closing. Let me explain.

Each set of grandparents built a new home in the 1950s, in different small towns in Texas: one in the Panhandle, and one on the Gulf Coast. Naturally, with four kids, two adults and the occasional dog, we'd drive wherever we needed to go, to visit relatives. And, man, if you haven't looked at a map recently, Texas is a BIG state. Especially on summer vacations in the late 1960s with little or no air conditioning in the car.

My mom's folks, on the Gulf Coast, had a large door with the knob mounted smack dab in the center of the door. The door was set next to glass bricks, and my grandparents had hung a set of bells on the inside door handle. The door opened with a "fwoosh-clunk-tinkle-clunk"--the sound of the bells hitting the door was louder than the sound of the bells actually ringing. Even as an adult, I had to push the door hard because of the non-ergonomic knob placement. As soon as the door opened, the smell of the house wafted out: soap, must, and a hundred and fifty three years of living.

Both houses were built in a time when people didn't believe fresh air was good for you. My father's parents' home was hermetically sealed from the West Texas dust; I'm sure a window was never opened in any room in that home, for fear the wind and the dirt would erode away their belongings. When we finally cleaned out the house before it was sold, we noted that every window was painted shut. The front door had a storm screen that had a smooth metallic spring sound when opened, and the front door made a "sha-wee...shoomp" sound when it opened and closed.

I don't know why I remember the sounds so distinctly. It must be because the opening of the door was the culmination of the anticipation of the visit; the last act before you could see your grandparents, finally, after a long, hot, stuffy and incredibly cramped drive from across the state.

spam - originally published 29 jul 04

I got an e-mail today from "Roxie Pendergrass" which began: "Robbie and me were talking about you...". I wanted to respond that none of my friends says "Robbie and me", so it's obvious that I don't know you and this is spam. I get a kick out of the messages that say, "Susan, increase your length". I wonder "Length of what? How many men are named Susan?"

abscondtion - originally published 28 Jul 04

Abscond, absconding, abscondtion: it's a very good thing. My friend Norah absconded with me the other night for a late evening out. While I was one of the oldest people in hip, Uptown Minneapolis on a Friday night, it was loads of fun. My advice, however: let your husband know how late you will be out, so he doesn't think your friend has driven you both into a ditch.

the whole tooth - originally published 14 jul 04

This past week, our five-year-old son lost two baby teeth. It has been an interesting process to observe, as an adult. Somewhere along the way, he internalized that this is a positive thing: part of being a big boy, and growing up. The grown-up-colored glasses I wear now don’t show it as a particularly pleasant experience. Nonetheless, he has been very excited and proud, as each tooth worked its way loose.

Someone asked if we were going to save them. Frankly, they gross me out, so, um…no.

Several people asked what the “going rate” is from the Tooth Fairy. We didn’t know, so we just decided a quarter per tooth is plenty for a five-year-old. He seems to be okay with that; I just hope he doesn’t discuss it with his friends, who probably all get a dollar or a fiver.

So, weaving yet another story about a mythical creature (akin to the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus), the ritual began the first night. After expressing concern that the Tooth Fairy should not break windows to gain entry into his room, he placed the tooth in a little pillbox that we were given as a baby gift, and put it under his pillow. Thankfully, the Tooth Fairy did come and deliver her payment (despite my falling asleep and not remembering until I was on my way to work the next morning). Unfortunately, in her haste, she took the entire pillbox, tooth and all. Our son was very concerned in the morning about getting the box back. It was quickly explained that she mails them back after she gets back to her castle. Yeah, that’s right.

Imagine our relief to discover the pillbox was returned just in time for the second tooth. Whew. And this time, she remembered to leave the box. Must have been a slow night.

Our son has been saving his money for awhile now; he has a little pouch full of coins he has collected over the years. At one point a year or so ago, he was holding a “Penny Drive” to collect pennies. When asked what he’s going to do with it, he says he’s saving to buy something for someone who doesn’t have anything, like teeth for someone who doesn't have any teeth. I hope that’s his real desire, and not just the “right answer”. But that’s the thing about five-year-olds: you can’t tell. They’re still molding their personalities, and mirroring behavior that may be good or may be bad, and trying to figure out which is the more interesting.

mvp-ness - originally posted 10 july 04

I continue to have the most remarkable experiences as a Microsoft MVP. This is a community of people representing somewhere around 78 countries who volunteer their time to provide technical support and assistance for users of Microsoft products.

I am consistently heartened by the warmth of this group of people--as wellas the 'Softies (as they're sometimes called) who support the program. I have rarely met a group as interesting, well-rounded, intelligent, funny and caring as the folks involved with this program. Many of us have never met, though some of us have been able to shake hands, hug, or put faces with names when we meet during the MVP Global or Regional Summits. Most of our interaction is online, through private and public newsgroups and e-mail. We share technical knowledge, debate politics, share jokes, and the usual spectrum of online community communication. However, there are some extraordinary things that we do, that never cease to make me proud of being a part of this group.

• A 'Softie contacted Missing Persons to find out about a MVP who suddenly wasn't online. The MVP had gone into a diabetic coma and was in the hospital. There was no family nearby, and jsut a few friends. The outpouring of tangible and emotional support was amazing, including someone visiting the hospital to check on her care, people offering her computer equipment so she could stay connected while she was away from home, and people who were contacting her regularly by telephone.
• When I announced the births of my children, there were over 75 congratulatory responses, many from people I've never met, from all over the world. I printed them all and put them in the baby books. (Now, that's a sign of the times, when baby cards are printed from an electronic forum.) We share stories of the joys and anguish of our lives; death of family, health crises, marriage, divorce, job losses, promotions, birth of children, death of pets, problems with neighbors--you name it. And each post receives caring attention from the members of the group who resonate with the announcement.
• A post by an MVP mentioned that the MVP would be out of the group for awhile, due to a divorce. The community responded in great sympathy and some advice (which this group will *never* hesitate to offer, solicited or not!), including an offer of lodging, if needed.
• Once I mentioned that my kids like the "Magic School Bus" books, show and games. An MVP sent, at her own expense, an extra copy of a MSB video to our house, just because she had an extra (and because she's nice).
• We have a haiku forum for those of us who need a break in the day. There are weekly posts and responses, and anyone not posting in haiku form is gently and humorously admonished.
• A recent discussion about frustrating newsgroup posts, specifically those who ask you to do their work for them for free (such as "How can I transfer an Excel check register and create a program in Access that will let me manage my company's accounting system?"), led to a discussion of a tenet of Eastern Indian culture: that if someone is in need, the community will go out of its way to help, no matter the request. Our Western culture categorizes that as "freeloading"; however, in certain cultures it is not. Several MVPs (including myself) expressed gratitude to have been given that new insight, in order to be more considerate of cultural differences. MVPs are good at keeping you honest, while at the same time coming to your defense.

We yell at each other. We laugh at ourselves and joke about silly things. We try to solve the world's problems. We are Muslim and Christian, atheist, Buddhist and Jew. We are gay, straight, bi and whatever. We are blind and in wheelchairs. We are diabetic, suffer from sleep apnea and a host of other ailments. We are smokers and "smokers" and teetotalers. We are French, Brazilian, Canadian, Israeli, British, Australian, Texan, Portuguese, American, South African, and Korean. We are musicians, postmasters, salespeople, pilots, firefighters and computer professionals. We are introverts and extroverts, age 15 through 78. We are Mac heads, Linux lovers and Windows geeks. We are women and men, angry, giddy, opinionated, fun-loving, direct and level-headed. We represent every political view imaginable. We are smart and sometimes do stupid things. Sometimes we agree to disagree, but in the end, with a very few exceptions, it is a community that maintains respect for our differences and the unique experiences we all bring to the table, brought together simply because we share the fundamental desire to help other people learn about this neat stuff called "technology".

Remarkable.